Fallen Hero Leaves Children Disheartened Worldwide

Sources on New York City's Sesame Street report the arrest of Big Bird friday night on suspicion of possesion with intent to distribute. Mr. Bird was said to have been weaving into traffic and slurring his speech. When questioned by officers patroling the neighborhood, Mr. Bird was said to have made poor language choices and allegedly uttered bad words at the policeman asking him questions, sources say.

The officer was then reported to have reminded Mr. Bird that a Policeman is in fact a person in the neighborhood, a person he has met each day. But Mr. Bird would not apologize for his use of bad language and when told that insulting a police officer was a criminal offense, sources report seeing Mr. Bird laugh hautily at the officer at which point Mr. Bird apparently stumbled and dropped a baggy on the sidewalk at his feet. (AP)

The plastic bag in Mr. Bird's possesion was allegedly crushed bird seed. After being frisked by the police, Mr. Bird was said to have forty small bags stuffed in his feathers. Thus far the reaction from local three and four year olds has been an outcry of shock and disbelief.

More to follow on the evening news.